Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Bits of this and that, as life is wont to be

Not a bad day in truth, just a day filled with many things to do and some not so happy news. I think I have finally pushed through my extreme feeling of stress and am officially idling at apathy. As good a defense mechanism as any I suppose - my insides don't feel like exploding anymore.

Hmmm, went to bed around 4am so I could get up and study some more and write a quick paper around 10-ish. Ran out of paper while printing, but that's what roommates are for - God bless you Molly, we may not see eye to eye on movies and music, but you certainly have paper, and more importantly, gave me some of it this morning. Did my daily commute to school, I think the person sitting next to me was on drugs (I've never seen somebody's skin be that texture before) but my bag was so heavy I didn't care who I had to sit next to as long as I had a seat. There was also a homeless woman on the train that looked a lot like my aunt and kept smiling at everyone - for all I know it could be a relative of hers. I think there's an excellent short story floating around in that idea somewhere.

I got an honest to god blister on my finger during my midterm exam in Deaf Culture - virtually all essays and I had a death-grip on my poor little No. 2 pencil. I did a little bit of homework after I finished and headed to an SGA meeting. It's going to keep me busy, but I really think I'm going to like this whole SGA thing. Between the various meetings I got a chance to listen to my voicemail - my grandma is in the hospital. She broke both of her shoulders, which took a little while to figure out since her doctor didn't bother with x-rays after she had a bit of a fall. Today her physical therapist said he wasn't going to do a thing with her until she had an x-ray and he had some information. Both shoulders were fractured so she's chillin' at the hospital. It's the grandma I like too. Most everyone I know has an evil grandma and evil grandma's almost never get hurt and never ever die. This is my good grandma, the one that would make popcorn and play Candy-Land with us (more board games really should be devoid of strategy and purpose). Needless to say I'm going to write her a letter or get her a nice card, and hopefully I will see her in 2 weeks when I am up in the lovely frozen north.

Got a phone call from a friend from back home, listened to some stories, and you will simply have to believe me when I say I am most whole-heartedly convinced I am beyond reproach in my decision to abhor men for the time being.

On a happy note - it is getting chilly enough for me to wear my big, bulky winter coat. This is awesome because winter coats are pretty much the only clothing women can buy that are big and bulky. Yes, I totally give in to that head-trip of "well, a size seven fits me just right, but I can get into a size five, so I'm going to buy that instead and just spend the rest of my life being uncomfortable." Girls clothing is so tight that the pockets (if there are real pockets or they aren't the fake ones) are utterly useless. Winter coats though - it's wonderful - stuff I'd have to stick in my school bag or a purse can be carried with ease, and I'm not left saddling all the weight on one unlucky shoulder.

Okay, much much writing to do if I'm going to not be ashamed to show my face in class tomorrow. Wishing you and yours a very merry Penguin Awareness Month. Okay, so there isn't actually a penguin awareness month, but there should be. I know pretty much everybody is aware of penguins, but have you seen March of the Penguins - I mean c'mon, the things are redonkulously cute and I think that warrants their own month. Of course, if were handing out months for cuteness I would like to have dibs on August.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

A new name and a sense of purpose

I sort of let this whole thing fall by the wayside, but now that I have even less time than before I figured it would be a great time to start this all up again. I suppose my real motivation is my renewed sense of purpose, and by that what I really mean is chronic anger at the world around me. While this might sound a tad bit mentally unbalanced, I assure you, my contempt is well founded and makes sense at this point in life.

What might have brought this on you might ask? Other than no longer being under the intoxicating stupor of a happy relationship, there are many factors to my anger. I will start things off right though, with something that has been getting to me quite a bit and a subject I can always expand on - Men. Not to sound cliche (although some things are cliche for a reason...) but gentlemen, a whole heck of a lot of you really suck. I am only telling you this for your own good - oh and for my own good too, that is, in the hopes that maybe if I tell you some of you will stop sucking quite so much and I can go back to pretending to be a happy, sunny, loving person.

Let me start things off nice and simple, the guys who hit on me while I am on public transit. I have often said that you couldn't pay me to own a car in Chicago: gas is expensive, parking is impossible and expensive, traffic sucks, etc. Well, everytime some middle aged man on the El asks me if I'm married I seriously consider taking out thousands of dollars worth of superflous student loans so I can get myself a car and throw away my UPass.

I was discussing this irksome phenomenon with my friend, and when I say friend what I really mean is an ex-boyfriend that I still talk to almost everyday (sounds like a post for later, huh?). His response: "You're cute, what do you expect." Yes, my dubious friend! what a great point - because of my relatively symmetrical face and general proportions I am considered attractive, which means it is open season for any asshole with a bus pass who wants to verbally harass me.

Is it really so wrong of me to want to be able to get from point A to point B in this city without having to listen to random strangers telling me I have beautiful eyes and then asking if I have a boyfriend? Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I get pissed off by compliments, I'm saying to general tone of anyone who strikes up a conversation by commenting on your appearance and then demanding your phone number is often a little discomforting. If you want to talk to me say something witty to show me you have a brain and care if I have one too. Also, growling or making animal noises at me does not help.

Also, you know that a guy only has the very worst intentions for you if, when you don't give him the response he wants, he starts loudly informing everyone in that train car in a loud and booming voice that he is, "Sick of skanky-ass bitchy white-girl cunts who think there too good for everybody". Is it asking too much to want to go a week without having to put up with that kind of attitude?

So what do I have to do? I have to sit there and smile and act shy around any smelly old man who tries to pick me up and quietly excuse myself as soon as I can and pray that this isn't going to be the crazy one that tries to follow me or might actually get physically violent. I have a few other defense mechanisms too...

If I know they haven't seen me respond to anything auditory and I know my cell phone is on silent mode and won't ring all of the sudden I will simply sign to them, "Sorry, Deaf." Sometimes I elaborate and tell them that I sign, I can't hear them, or I can't read lips very well. For this I have to be looking at them when they first start talking to me so they think I saw them speaking at me. Of course, if they're drunk it doesn't matter if they saw me talking on my cell phone 2 minutes ago, I can simply start signing at them and they will either leave me alone, or I can start ignoring them with a good excuse. This is just one of the many, many wonderful things about knowing ASL.

If I can't whip out my trusty sign language, I simply take on an alter-ego. Most often I am Amanda, a history major at DePaul University who is on her way to meet up with her live-in boyfriend who works as a bouncer at a night club. If you have met Amanda the history major, well, I am sorry - and also you are creepy and should know better.

I know someday I am going to encounter a situation which compels me to switch train cars, or even just wait for the next train. I almost did this last Friday night.

My latest plan is to get ridiculously fat. I will probably enjoy this a whole lot more than having to always be on guard. I will become fat and be able to get to where I am going in the city without having to field offers to become a "babymama". I will keep you posted on my progress, and later I will bitch about how much it sucks being fat.