Bits of this and that, as life is wont to be

Not a bad day in truth, just a day filled with many things to do and some not so happy news. I think I have finally pushed through my extreme feeling of stress and am officially idling at apathy. As good a defense mechanism as any I suppose - my insides don't feel like exploding anymore.

Hmmm, went to bed around 4am so I could get up and study some more and write a quick paper around 10-ish. Ran out of paper while printing, but that's what roommates are for - God bless you Molly, we may not see eye to eye on movies and music, but you certainly have paper, and more importantly, gave me some of it this morning. Did my daily commute to school, I think the person sitting next to me was on drugs (I've never seen somebody's skin be that texture before) but my bag was so heavy I didn't care who I had to sit next to as long as I had a seat. There was also a homeless woman on the train that looked a lot like my aunt and kept smiling at everyone - for all I know it could be a relative of hers. I think there's an excellent short story floating around in that idea somewhere.

I got an honest to god blister on my finger during my midterm exam in Deaf Culture - virtually all essays and I had a death-grip on my poor little No. 2 pencil. I did a little bit of homework after I finished and headed to an SGA meeting. It's going to keep me busy, but I really think I'm going to like this whole SGA thing. Between the various meetings I got a chance to listen to my voicemail - my grandma is in the hospital. She broke both of her shoulders, which took a little while to figure out since her doctor didn't bother with x-rays after she had a bit of a fall. Today her physical therapist said he wasn't going to do a thing with her until she had an x-ray and he had some information. Both shoulders were fractured so she's chillin' at the hospital. It's the grandma I like too. Most everyone I know has an evil grandma and evil grandma's almost never get hurt and never ever die. This is my good grandma, the one that would make popcorn and play Candy-Land with us (more board games really should be devoid of strategy and purpose). Needless to say I'm going to write her a letter or get her a nice card, and hopefully I will see her in 2 weeks when I am up in the lovely frozen north.

Got a phone call from a friend from back home, listened to some stories, and you will simply have to believe me when I say I am most whole-heartedly convinced I am beyond reproach in my decision to abhor men for the time being.

On a happy note - it is getting chilly enough for me to wear my big, bulky winter coat. This is awesome because winter coats are pretty much the only clothing women can buy that are big and bulky. Yes, I totally give in to that head-trip of "well, a size seven fits me just right, but I can get into a size five, so I'm going to buy that instead and just spend the rest of my life being uncomfortable." Girls clothing is so tight that the pockets (if there are real pockets or they aren't the fake ones) are utterly useless. Winter coats though - it's wonderful - stuff I'd have to stick in my school bag or a purse can be carried with ease, and I'm not left saddling all the weight on one unlucky shoulder.

Okay, much much writing to do if I'm going to not be ashamed to show my face in class tomorrow. Wishing you and yours a very merry Penguin Awareness Month. Okay, so there isn't actually a penguin awareness month, but there should be. I know pretty much everybody is aware of penguins, but have you seen March of the Penguins - I mean c'mon, the things are redonkulously cute and I think that warrants their own month. Of course, if were handing out months for cuteness I would like to have dibs on August.

A new name and a sense of purpose

I sort of let this whole thing fall by the wayside, but now that I have even less time than before I figured it would be a great time to start this all up again. I suppose my real motivation is my renewed sense of purpose, and by that what I really mean is chronic anger at the world around me. While this might sound a tad bit mentally unbalanced, I assure you, my contempt is well founded and makes sense at this point in life.

What might have brought this on you might ask? Other than no longer being under the intoxicating stupor of a happy relationship, there are many factors to my anger. I will start things off right though, with something that has been getting to me quite a bit and a subject I can always expand on - Men. Not to sound cliche (although some things are cliche for a reason...) but gentlemen, a whole heck of a lot of you really suck. I am only telling you this for your own good - oh and for my own good too, that is, in the hopes that maybe if I tell you some of you will stop sucking quite so much and I can go back to pretending to be a happy, sunny, loving person.

Let me start things off nice and simple, the guys who hit on me while I am on public transit. I have often said that you couldn't pay me to own a car in Chicago: gas is expensive, parking is impossible and expensive, traffic sucks, etc. Well, everytime some middle aged man on the El asks me if I'm married I seriously consider taking out thousands of dollars worth of superflous student loans so I can get myself a car and throw away my UPass.

I was discussing this irksome phenomenon with my friend, and when I say friend what I really mean is an ex-boyfriend that I still talk to almost everyday (sounds like a post for later, huh?). His response: "You're cute, what do you expect." Yes, my dubious friend! what a great point - because of my relatively symmetrical face and general proportions I am considered attractive, which means it is open season for any asshole with a bus pass who wants to verbally harass me.

Is it really so wrong of me to want to be able to get from point A to point B in this city without having to listen to random strangers telling me I have beautiful eyes and then asking if I have a boyfriend? Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I get pissed off by compliments, I'm saying to general tone of anyone who strikes up a conversation by commenting on your appearance and then demanding your phone number is often a little discomforting. If you want to talk to me say something witty to show me you have a brain and care if I have one too. Also, growling or making animal noises at me does not help.

Also, you know that a guy only has the very worst intentions for you if, when you don't give him the response he wants, he starts loudly informing everyone in that train car in a loud and booming voice that he is, "Sick of skanky-ass bitchy white-girl cunts who think there too good for everybody". Is it asking too much to want to go a week without having to put up with that kind of attitude?

So what do I have to do? I have to sit there and smile and act shy around any smelly old man who tries to pick me up and quietly excuse myself as soon as I can and pray that this isn't going to be the crazy one that tries to follow me or might actually get physically violent. I have a few other defense mechanisms too...

If I know they haven't seen me respond to anything auditory and I know my cell phone is on silent mode and won't ring all of the sudden I will simply sign to them, "Sorry, Deaf." Sometimes I elaborate and tell them that I sign, I can't hear them, or I can't read lips very well. For this I have to be looking at them when they first start talking to me so they think I saw them speaking at me. Of course, if they're drunk it doesn't matter if they saw me talking on my cell phone 2 minutes ago, I can simply start signing at them and they will either leave me alone, or I can start ignoring them with a good excuse. This is just one of the many, many wonderful things about knowing ASL.

If I can't whip out my trusty sign language, I simply take on an alter-ego. Most often I am Amanda, a history major at DePaul University who is on her way to meet up with her live-in boyfriend who works as a bouncer at a night club. If you have met Amanda the history major, well, I am sorry - and also you are creepy and should know better.

I know someday I am going to encounter a situation which compels me to switch train cars, or even just wait for the next train. I almost did this last Friday night.

My latest plan is to get ridiculously fat. I will probably enjoy this a whole lot more than having to always be on guard. I will become fat and be able to get to where I am going in the city without having to field offers to become a "babymama". I will keep you posted on my progress, and later I will bitch about how much it sucks being fat.

Campus Life at CCC

I decided I would live in the dorms for my first year of school for two reasons: 1. I figured it would be a good way to get the full college experience and 2. I didn't exactly have the time to start searching Chicago for an apartment. The thing about my school is that it's an urban campus, and the dorms are really just over-priced apartments where you aren't supposed to drink. I love living in the south loop, but my "dorm" feels more like a hotel, and I'm paying an exorbitant fee to share a tiny room with a stranger (well, actually I have a room to myself now due to a lovely twist of fate, but it's still cramped because of all the furniture in here). Granted I have a great view of the lake and the library, but this isn't the dorm experience I expected.

We do have some of the dorm standards though - the elevators suck and most of the stairwells are locked (if there's a fire I'm resigned to my fate), you can get a contact high walking through the hallway, and people do really dumb stuff.

I understand that us young ones do some crazy things from time to time, but I think a line was crossed the day my apartment door was beaned. Yes, that's right, it was beaned. I understand the concept of TPing somebody, but beaning them? It's just night right. If you're going to make beans then you should eat them, not waste them. And if you're going to waste food by throwing it at my door then pick something less abhorent than beans.

When I woke up my roommate told me there was weird junk on the door, when I finally decided to shower and move about, I opened the door to discover there were brownish-gray streaks running down our door. The streaks smelled horrible - horrible like beans.

Realizing the beans weren't going to clean themselves off the door and tired of being pissed off and nauseated every time I went in or out of the apartment, I grabbed a bucket of hot soapy water and a rag. I had to scrub our front door for at least 15 minutes to get most of the bean residue off all because somebody decided that the entry way to my home made a better final resting place for some refried beans than someone's digestive track.

I hope and I pray that I can find a building to live in next year where I am the one doing the stupid stuff.

Watch as I deftly drop the ball!

Bah! So I've thought of starting this all up for quite some time but have thusfar put it off rather successfully. However, I am keeping so many journals for various classes that I figured I might as well throw some stuff up here. In addition to that, I'm having one of those happy giddy nights where you want to share it with somebody but it's not quite possible because nobody wants to hear crap like "My boyfriend's super awesome and he really does make me feel beautiful!" I know nobody wants to hear that crap because I have friends who say that crap and it's boring. Other people's relationships are only interesting when they're firestorms of antagonism.

Since the only thing really on my mind at the moment is something I will admit is entirely boring to anyone generous enough to read my words I really don't quite know what to say. It doesn't help that there's the pressure of this being my first entry and all. I must own up to the fact that I tend to be a rather scattered person as it is, so this might actually be quite indicitive of future entries. I will however try to be somewhat topical, even if I bounce quite a bit betwixt them.

Well, at least there's not too much presure to improve on my first entry, which I will do perhaps tomorrow when I am not so close to bedtime and hopefully have less homework looming over me. I'm just coming off of spring break and haven't cracked a book all week. Sadly it's not as though I have the excuse of lots of drinking and crazy sex - I spent a good chunk of my break in North Dakota visiting little cousins and my grandma, wild and crazy huh? Fortunately I am back in the city and my boyfriend finally made it back from his break safe and sound and I am trying to enjoy myself as much as possible before full homework panick-attack mode sets in - I'm thinking that will be like fifteen minutes.

Things will only get better from here - I promise! If all else fails I will bake muffins for anyone interested in some quality baked-goods